Written by Vicki Syetho (Founder of Victoria Stag)
This story is from my perspective, one from supporting a loved one through Cancer.
Recently (June 2025), one of my closest friends passed away from a 2 year battle with Cancer. You know that person, who you message every day, even about silly stuff. The person you consider family, not just a friend.
I’ve been reflecting since her passing over what I have been through over the last 2 years, as during that time I didn’t want it to be about me…I wanted to be that strong positive friend who she could count on.
And what did I come up with?
Well to be honest, I was pretty good before she passed and now, I just feel a bit bonkers inside. Let me explain.
Period: She fought like a trooper
My mindset: Positive and encouraging but WTF is going on?
She battled for 2 years with a mindset of ‘I’m going to beat this no matter what’. I understood why she adopted this, as being told you have stage 4 cancer in 2 spots and one of the areas wasn’t curable, you need to have some sort of hope to cope. I supported her with this mindset and most of the time her updates were positive and, on the outside, you would think hey, she is going to beat this!
But deep down I knew that I was only getting half the story. She told me, I just can’t give any of the bad news space. A lot of the time, I was confused about what was really going on because if everything was so good, why was she getting worse? Why were the conversations changing from future plans to past regrets, to I wish I could? How do you support someone in this period of life?
I honestly didn’t know, so I just listened, took her out of house like we would normally, helped where I could and tried my best with saying ‘what I thought’ was good. But I had no idea if I was helping or not. I tried to be what she needed to cope.
Period: She isn’t always there to now gone
My Mindset: B O N K E R S
Over the past year, she had an increase in hospital visits and I noticed we were going from daily communication to days on end. I think subconsciously, at this time, I was getting used to not having her there as much.
If you can remember, I went on a holiday and came back with a stomach bug. So, I had not seen her in 6 weeks. What a difference 6 weeks can make. I went to see her and there was a dramatic decline in health; barely able to get up and walk, didn’t want to talk and was sometimes zoned out. From that night, again subconsciously, I began to mourn my friend because I knew something was really wrong, I think that’s when the grieving period actually started, not the day she died.
She was admitted to hospital for the last time not long after, as delirium and pain stepped up. Daily visits started and just trying to do everything possible to make her ok. That period was crazy. I was feeling sad, angry, helpless and then guilty as I said to myself, I hope she goes soon, so she doesn’t have to be in pain anymore especially because the person she was, wasn’t really there anymore. Ultimately the toll of her body was too much. It was heart-breaking to see a loved one going from full of life, to just trying to make it though the day, to being gone.
And this is where the BONKERS feeling kicked in… I describe it as just being weird, my mind is doing one thing and my body is doing another. Initially after the funeral, there were tears and a few times of ugly public crying. But now things have settled I just feel BONKERS. Let me dot point a few things:
- My brain had to de-compress from the past 2 years but also from the adrenaline rush from the last 2 weeks of her passing.
- I don’t feel sad but my mind is blank and I feel paralysed.
- I’m remembering things which I thought would make me sad, but they don’t.
- And then when I’m not thinking about it, all of sudden - water works.
- One day my body is full of energy, the next…I’m a sloth and I have aches and pains.
- One moment I’m switched on and firing, an hour later my body says nope, stop, I'm not doing this, even though mentally I'm ok.
Overall it just feels like a big disconnect between my brain and body. I didn't realise that grief could cause this. I didn't really appreciate the fact that at the same time, mentally you can be ok but your body isn't. This disconnect is so annoying but hey, I tell myself… it is what it is and it’s how I’m grieving and that’s ok. But I don’t like it, so me being me, let’s do something about it but be kind to myself at the same time. See how the mind battles with itself.
So right now, I’m tackling the feeling of being paralysed. I decided the opposite of that is moving. And everyday now, I set 1 movement goal. It’s not about going to gym and working out or going outside for 1 hour. It’s baby steps. For me, that could be vacuuming and mopping the floors, doing some laundry, doing 10 minutes of work, help pack some parcels, or just walking out to my backyard and breathing in some fresh air.
To re-affirm what I was doing (because I was feeling precious), I read from a reputable source (lol CHATGPT) … that movement—gentle, empowering movement—can be one of the most powerful tools for navigating grief. Not as punishment or a path to weight loss, but as a form of emotional release, self-connection, and strength-building.
Then I started to chuckle as I thought, wow, Chatgpt is pretty good because it said this too and it was what I already started to do. It was nice though, knowing I was on the right track. Sometimes, you just need someone (or something) to say yep, that’s ok.
Tips for Getting Started:
-
- Start small: A five-minute stretch is still progress.
VS - Yep, started this! - Listen to your body: If it wants rest, give it rest. If it wants movement, move gently.
VS - And this on too… good show to watch - FBI - Dress comfortably: Wear activewear that supports and celebrates your curves.
VS - Lucky I own a brand… lol - Try grief-friendly workouts: Restorative yoga, breathwork, or slow nature walks can be a beautiful way to reconnect.
VS - I restarted my clinical pilates with my trusted Oesto because I honestly just felt safe in that space. - Move with community: If you feel ready, join classes online or in person for support and sisterhood.
VS - I’m not ready for this yet and that’s ok.
- Start small: A five-minute stretch is still progress.
One other great tip that I wanted to share is if you can be, be open to what you have been going through. I’ve been open and honest with suppliers and even customers. Some of the customers' stories I have heard have really helped me heal and their support has been invaluable.
So, this has been my story up until now that I wanted to share with the VS squad. Grief is not something to fix or rush through but it is something we can move with and is different for everyone. What you do and need is totally ok, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
When you’re ready—take that first step.
Take it easy,
Vicki
Proud owner of Victoria Stag
PS – Below I have included more from my friend ChatGPT. I valued it, so you might too.
1. Grief Lives in the Body—And Movement Helps Release It
Grief doesn’t just affect the heart—it affects the body. Fatigue, tightness in the chest, and aching muscles are all common physical symptoms. Gentle movement, such as walking, stretching, or yoga, can help release built-up tension and reconnect you with your body in a loving, non-judgmental way.
2. Exercise Can Be a Safe Space
In times of loss, the world may feel chaotic or out of control. Creating a small routine—like a daily morning walk or a weekly dance class—can offer structure and safety. It becomes a space that’s just for you. A space where you can cry, breathe, laugh, or simply exist without needing to explain yourself.
3. Movement Builds Confidence When Everything Feels Broken
When grief strips us down emotionally, it can also strip away our sense of strength and identity. But each time you show up for yourself—whether for five minutes or fifty—you prove that your body is still capable. That you are still capable. And that matters more than any number on the scale.
4. Exercise Can Help Process Emotions, Not Avoid Them
Some people worry that exercising during grief is a way to escape the pain. But often, it’s the opposite. Moving your body can stir emotions to the surface, allowing you to process them more fully. It might be a teary walk in the park or punching a boxing bag until your arms shake—but it’s movement with meaning.
5. You Deserve to Move in a Way That Feels Good for Your Body
Your body, as it is right now, is worthy of movement that feels joyful and affirming. Whether it’s gentle pilates, water aerobics, strength training, or dance—choose what
feels right, not what burns the most calories.
